Can I make it better?

They live afar. My son and husband have to stay far from me so that both I and his dad can work.

My husband and his relatives are from the province and there are a lot of people who can take care of our son while he works. Unlike here in the city, all my relatives have worked so no one can babysit my son.

I don’t really entrust my son to just anybody. However, we need both to work for their future.

Their place is about 8-hour land travel. I’d really love to visit my son every week, but the fare is quite expensive and at the same time. I can’t travel that long, especially while pregnant.

The weirdest part of this crazy set up is where I live. Since my work is about 30km away from my hometown and the public buses are so hard to catch when during peak hours. I had to move in this dorm. I’m the only pregnant lady here. Maybe, in the entire existence of this dormitory, I will be the only pregnant person who stayed here for a bit.

I don’t get a sweet welcoming kid when I get home, unlike what my son used to do. No one dances, sings, and ask so many questions for me daily. I don’t get a massage or any comfort from somebody when I feel something not good. I eat alone, watch alone and sleep alone.

Some people say that “you’re not alone. You have someone inside you”. But honestly, it’s still not giving me any comfort.

My schedule is not as normal as theirs. They work during business hours while I’m on a graveyard shift. I don’t really like the day shift because of the temperature outside when I go to work and back home.

I feel more like an OFW(overseas Filipino worker), which I never dreamt of. I never want this kind of life, but we have to. I’m trying my best to have investments even using small amounts of money to have financial freedom soon.

I’ve been paying debts, rents, and food. I technically don’t have savings. But I am trying really hard. I’m hoping that before next year I should be able to become well established so we can all be together again.

Last night, I cried about why do we have differences. I mean me and my husband. We have different ways to think of what could be our future. What should be in our plans to make things work? I realized, though, it’s actually for the better, we just have to hold on and stay strong.

But at the end of the day, does it make me feel any better? Well, not really.