I never knew that my doctor would get hurt of my post. That post was there for a long time which I haven’t read back since I posted. And never knew would be read at all.

It was a hatred post I made against the hospital where I gave birth last year. I honestly cannot take my hatred about that hospital until now because of a tedious and costly process I have to go through with them. But I never meant hurting any of their members like employees, doctors and nurses which happens to be hurt of what I said.

Just today I met the doctor who attended me on September 29 when I gave birth and said that she was hurt and I guess mad at me. Of course she is but I judged a lot so I don’t want to judge what she felt when she was talking to me.

She had a lot of patients waiting. While she’s telling how bad and ungrateful I am. I couldn’t say a single word anymore. I just said sorry in a dull way. I mean it but I sounded like I am not. She’s crying already and I feel like I have to bury my self now.

I walked a mile away from her clinic to cry.

I wanted to talk back at some of the things she said like “You could’ve talked to me about what happened” and “the hospital’s process for unmarried couples have been like that for a long time”.

I wanted to tell her that I got a text from her that time lecturing me how I should take care of the payments instead of begging for promissory. That moment when I got a text from her put me away from asking her any assistance.

I thought back then, “I couldn’t ask assistance from someone who doesn’t understand that we needed assistance” (that is why we have to ask for promissory in the first place).

Also the process that she mentioned to be practiced for a long time. I was told by the admin that it was a recent process. I tried to argue about my sister who just gave birth weeks before I did. Told them that they were unmarried yet the hospital processed the registration of the birth certificate. But they said it was a new process.

I asked my friends who just gave birth just days away from my daughter’s birth date. They were all unmarried. Yet the hospital processed the birth certificates for them. Why couldn’t this hospital do the same?

She also told me that package couldn’t be possible for me since I have several complications. That’s not how I understood it before. Also, there’s no complications occurred that day.

I really don’t know what to feel right now. I’m sorry for what I did to her even though the post was about the hospital’s process with birth certificate for unmarried couples. And the request of deposit for putting my baby back to NICU due to jaundice.

I know they took care of my baby and I during birth. However, even though the doctor wanted to attend my daughter when she was found having jaundice, he still can’t since the hospital requires 5k deposit before bringing her back to NICU which I really cannot appreciate that time.

I appreciate the doctor since I can still remember the urgency of him to bring my baby back to NICU since he told me that it can be fatal or dangerous to my daughter if prolonged and untreated. But we are unable to put her back since we didn’t expect to pay that much for giving birth and because of the deposit. As far as I was oriented it can take around 35k. That was the estimated amount given to me.

But the bill reached 63k. For normal painless delivery, under a ward. We received maternity assistance from work for 17k plus 7k something I guess from Philhealth. So we almost reached the estimated amount but that estimation shouldn’t have the deductions yet.

So I thought we would pay lesser than 35k even it reaches 40k. But 63k was just too much.

I wish I could turn back time. I still wouldn’t want to give birth there if I knew.

While I am writing this. I still feel sorry that my old post affected my doctors emotionally. But I couldn’t take back and just change everything happened in the past. At the end of the day, we felt bad about what happened. I had mistakes.

We had so much mistakes. If not because of a bad decision to stay here while pregnant, I could’ve given birth somewhere in my home town with less hassle. Because apparently all hospitals and lying ins in our area does process birth certificates whether you are married or not. And if it was done, I could’ve gotten my daughter a health card that she can use or she could’ve been treated without asking deposits first.

It was really the first time I heard of deposits before treatment in a hospital. I didn’t know that process exists.

For the better, I just took the post down to stop it right there. For sure they won’t see this post as well since I removed their name. But if I had a chance I really wanted to say sorry to them not to the hospital but to the doctors and whoever took care of us until the last point of our covered payment.

I just really can’t imagine how wasted I am right now to fix my daughter’s documents because they don’t do that for unmarried couples.

I am finally done with it today. Although we still have to go back here by December for the release of the Birth Certificate from the Civil Registry, all ties with the hospital is finally over.

Even I feel so terrible with how the doctor felt about my post. I just have to shrug it off and move along. Just took off that past experience out of my blog to start moving on and forgetting about it.